Monday, July 24, 2017

Still waiting.. Cycle 13 has arrived

Cycle 13 arrived with a vengeance yesterday around noon. At least I was fully expecting it so I didn't cry this month. I was apparently right about my Ovulation day as I had a normal 15 day LP which is perfectly normal for me. It was a 29 day cycle which is also normal for me. We are still waiting on DH's test results and we are both about to go bonkers. Poor DH can't even sleep at night it's on his mind so much. I'll update this post if we receive them today. Fingers crossed...

UPDATE on 7/25 - The docot's office called and said all of DH's results won't be in until next week. Pretty bummed about that.  They did tell me that his testosterone was around 250 which is very low for his age.  That is usually indicative of high FSH which means non-obstructive azoospermia.  He's pretty upset about this as am I. We are waiting on the other test results to confirm this diagnosis.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Anxiously waiting for the test results

The doctor's office called yesterday and said they were waiting for 1 more part of DH's test results to come back and that they couldn't give me any information until it came in. They told me to call today (Friday) and see if it had come in and if not to try again Monday. We're SO nervous and just ready for some answers..

UPDATE - we did not get the results today so now we have to wait until Monday:(

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

DH is really struggling

I feel so bad for DH.  He's really having a hard time with all of this uncertainty.  Things have been really tense between us as we have different goals right now.  I just want a baby, I don't care where it comes from or who's genes are in it.  DH only wants to consider a 100% biological child of both of us.  It's really wearing on me as I really don't want to spend a lot of time and a whole lot of money on more tests and procedures on him when in the end we will have MAYBE a 20% chance of getting a baby if everything works out.  I want to just move on to donor sperm or embryo adoption.  We are still waiting on the results of his blood work which will tell us more about our options and if there's any chance we could even surgically retrieve sperm from him.  I just want a baby.

Monday, July 17, 2017

1st Infertility Visit Completed

We had our Urology visit today. Basically everything is correct anatomy wise, so the doctor ordered blood work for now. If it comes back normal then there is possibly a blockage, or if it is abnormal then he probably just isn't making much at all. It was pretty disheartening because the doctor said right now we couldn't even do IVF, so our only option would be adopting. We are looking into embryo adoption if we have no other options, so I'm doing some research on that right now. I feel so bad for DH, he was really upset. Infertility is the worst. We have the first consult with our RE on August 17th, so we'll see what he suggests as well.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Gotta love it when...

Your coworker tells you she's pregnant and she "wasn't even trying" and that she "really didn't even want a baby yet." I tried so hard to mask my emotions. She has no idea that I'm struggling with infertility, but it still hurt so bad. Now for the next 9 months I have to watch her be pregnant and happy while I'm over here going to doctor visits and just wishing a miracle would happen. I spent a few minutes crying in my office. I know life goes on but I wish it would slow down for me for just a little bit and let me "catch up."

Monday, July 10, 2017

First time in a year..

I ovulated on Friday (I'm assuming based on my typical hormone migraine I get when I ovulate) which makes me 3dpo today.  For the first time in a year I'm not stressing or obsessing about it at all.  I know there's virtually no possibility of us conceiving naturally, and while that sucks so bad it has actually lifted a weight off of my shoulders for now.  Now I'm just concentrating on DH's upcoming urologist appointment and our RE consult next month.  I'm also researching our possible options.  I wish I could be in my TWW because all I want is to have a baby, but for now I'm glad that some of the stress has been lifted.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

First Visits Scheduled

DH and I have been doing better since I last posted.  Both of our immediate families now know that there are problems and they are willing to help as much as they can.  We set up his appointment with the urologist for July 17 at 10:45, and our first RE consult for August 17 at 10:30.  We may have to reschedule the RE appointment depending on what the urologist says/does.  DH is really hoping he can magically "fix" him and we will be able to have a child naturally, but I just don't see that happening.  We will see though, I'm trying to remain positive.  I think I'll be ovulating this weekend and this is the first time I haven't cared about it at all in the past year.  It's kind of nice actually.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Absolutely destroyed right now

DH's SA came back... there were zero sperm present. My OB has referred us to an urologist and then to a RE. We can't afford either at this point as DH doesn't have good insurance at all and the fertility doctor will be completely out of pocket. So for now, it looks like kids are out of the question for us. Hopefully in a few years when we can afford to do all the testing and treatments we can try again. I'm so glad we started young and we do still have time. I'm completely destroyed by this as I was certain it was me and that DH was fine. The worst part is we can't even just do an IUI at this point or IVF. We can't have our own biological kids and that's the worst thing I've ever had to hear.