I had a BFN again this morning at 10dpo. Normally I'm not this upset, but I as SO sure this cycle that I was pregnant. I'm trying to hide my emotions from DH as he really doesn't understand, but this is so frustrating. I scheduled his sperm analysis for Thursday morning. I know it's going to be good results, and while that'll make me feel a little better, it's also going to make this even more frustrating because I ovulate every cycle and we always time BD right. I just don't understand how I'm not getting pregnant. We're young and healthy. If his SA comes back normal, I don't know how I'm going to proceed. I haven't had an HSG yet, so there is a chance that my tubes are blocked. I'm sure we'll schedule that for a few months later if this comes back normal. I do feel like I might have some endometriosis, but I just can't take off work right now to have the lap procedure done as I just took off to have both cervical cryotherapy and a cardiac ablation done within the past couple of months.
Our 1 year anniversary is in a couple of months. I really thought when we got married that I'd definitely be pregnant, and possibly already have a baby by then. It looks like I was wrong. I'm just so tired of trying and stressing. TTC has brought out the worst of my OCD. I can't not think about it. I deleted all of my apps yesterday in hopes that it'll help me quit stressing and I'll be one of those miracle people that conceive after deciding to take a break, but deep down I know I won't be able to completely forget about TTC. Even this blog reminds me of it. I've taken probably 10 tests just since Saturday. I'm wasting money that we could be saving for a house. I'm just sick of TTC. I just want a baby.
I know a girl that did a gender reveal this past weekend for her 3rd baby (that she conceived on her first month trying, just like the last 2). It was her 3rd girl, and of course she was not happy about it being that she wanted a son. I get that she was disappointed, but all I could think about was I'd give anything just for a baby. I don't care if it's a boy or girl, it doesn't matter to me. My DH wants a son so bad, but now even he says he doesn't care what we have anymore, he just wants a baby. Lord please give us a baby soon...
Hey. It's Jessie (LittleFox). I noticed you went MIA from Kindara and had a feeling you were feeling down. I'm so sorry. This journey toward motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It's hard and it's crushing and consuming. Your miracle is coming, I know it. I have several friends who are young and healthy and took over a year to conceive. One friend (very dear to me) took nearly two, despite having all tests and procedures come back normal. This trying to conceive journey is the biggest test of faith we can endure; our children come to us when they need to, and only God knows the full design of the plan.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the insensitive comments from church; as if this isn't hard enough!
Taking a break might do some good, but spending a lot of time in prayer will do you better. I found myself kneeling next to my bed and "venting" to a Father in Heaven who loves us beyond measure. Allow Him to be apart of this process, the highs and the lows. You'll find peace in His presence and your faith will grow knowing that He knows the desires of your heart.
Be brave, my friend! Your little miracle is coming...❤️❤️
Thank you for your post! It meant a lot to me. I had to delete all my apps in order to get a clear head. I'll be back, just not right now..
ReplyDeleteTake as much time as you need! ❤️ I love this blog so I'll follow along here!
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